The start of New year’s eve, I was in a phase where my life, I thought was crumbling. It was one of the darkest moments of my life, literally and figuratively speaking. Those were the times when people are celebrating that a new year has come, and there I was hidden in the dark with the misery of my own making. Until now I still feel very sad about, but I chose to fill up the hole that 2015 has taken away from me.
And so I am in the quest to seek for whatever makes me happy.
(Working Blog Post.)
You give yourself completely,
get attached too soon,
and wear your heart in your sleeve.
You open your soul too much,
and let people in.
But you have to be careful,
because everyone leaves anyone eventually.
I remember someone saying,
“even your own shadow disappears when you’re in darkness.”
And then there was madness. There was chaos. We once were kids scared by the monsters under our bed. Now we are just an empty void of nothingness, slowly realizing that the monsters we once fear, lurk within our souls.
I thought the concept of hurting for missing someone too much is non-existent. But right now, I’m aching. I am in pain of being far away from the person I care about (who probably does not care about me anyway). My.Heart.Hurts.So.Bad. And I didn’t even know this is possible. I do not know how much tears I’ve cried out of frustration for wanting to be appreciated by that someone. I don’t know how much I’ve stooped so shallow, just to be noticed.
I care about you so much it fucking hurts that I don’t know if you even know it.
Why does it hurt?
Why can’t I just stop crying?
Why do I feel like this, for just liking you.
I have failed on most aspects of my life; I refused to be appreciative of the little things that demands full attention, let chances that could alter my life’s worth begone, suppress my emotions leading me to be consumed by the rage that wrecks my soul, and lastly, neglecting the very essence of life itself. It was then that I knew I was doomed to spiral down into a complete misery. I have been drunk on the thought of somehow I could secure my crumbling life, yet venturing to the deepest end of my mind did nothing but succumb to the frustrations of it that can never be fixed.
The problem is, I’m easily attracted to people who makes you feel special.
THEY ARE THE NICEST! They treat you right, they make you fall out of love with just a smile and a couple of sweet notes.They make you appear like, you really are an interesting person in their eyes. You, finally are, appreciated. Don’t. They are like angels that captivates you with the sound of their harp, surely a music to your ears, that makes you eager to want their attention.
You. Are. Already. Bewitched. By. Their. Charms. Don’t.
Remember that Lucifer was once an angel. Don’t fall on their trap. Don’t let them have the ability to hold you, head over heels. Because when you do,and you already care to much, and you’re so high of all the dopamine that rushes through your brain, that you’ll loose yourself, and your mind out of it. It will bound you, chained all over you, your Achilles’ heels, that would lead you to your ultimate downfall. Because eventually, they will leave you hanging, left with an unrequited affection.
I just received the most heartbreaking message ever. My lolo passed away. my heart was shattered to pieces and I was so devastated by the fact that, I can’t be there. for my Dad, my cousins, my grandma and everyone on our family.